It has been forever since I blogged. Typing this at 11:30 pm reminds me why I quit blogging. I have something that I felt like God was saying to me so clearly today and I just wanted to share it. I have three kids, and on occasion one, two or all three will tag along behind me every step that I take. My little girl is the most proficient at this. Often times I'll be outside and she stands at the door and cries to come out with me, so I open the door and let her out. Then, naturally at times I will be inside and she wants to come in with me, so I let her in. Now when I let her come out with me I have no problem opening the door because I just pull it open and she comes out. however, our screen door on the back porch opens out, so when she wants to come inside with me, I have to get her to back away from the door before I can open it. Otherwise, if I open the door I'll knock her down the steps onto a hard patio. We run into this problem every time that she wants to come in. She stands right outside the door with tears running down her face begging me to open the door, and I bend down and talk to her through the screen and explain that she has to move away from the door before I can open it. It's really quite a heartbreaking scene. Her tears break my heart, but I can't do anything to help her until she backs away from the door. She does everything that she can to try to get in. She hopelessly stands on her tip toes and tries to open the door, she knocks on the window, she cries, and she begs her daddy to let her in. But not until when she finally listens to me and backs away from the door can I open it, and I don't hesitate to open it. Then she comes in, I give her a hug and kiss, I comfort her and we move on... until we find ourselves in the same position in a couple more hours.
As we experienced this same drama a few times today, I felt like God was saying something so profound to me. I felt like He was saying "See Curt, that's exactly what you are doing to me. I want so badly to open some doors for you and Oasis, but you are doing everything that you can to open those same doors. You are reaching for the door knob, but it's not yours to turn. I just need you to stop trying to open those doors. Just back away, wait on me, and I won't hesitate to open them for you. You are just so impatient. You are my child, don't you think that it would delight me to have you in my presence? Just back away and let me open the door." I don't fully know what this means yet, but over the past few months I feel like I've been in the process of understanding it. We'll see where it takes us.
Oasis, I love all of you guys. There is no doubt in my mind that God wants to do amazing things in our church. You are so dedicated. You just get it. You get that Oasis exists so that lives can be changed, so that Jesus' name can be made famous, and that rocks my face off! Let's just step back and see what kind of doors He will open for us. It's His presence that makes the difference. We can't force anything amazing to happen. Let's just follow Him and see what doors He opens. Keep in mind though, that we have to work hard to follow him. I'm not saying I want us to be idle. Let's do our best to stay right on His heels as He works. Beg Him to open some doors. Pray that I will have the wisdom as your pastor to know which doors to back away from and wait on Him to open. Thank you for charging the gates of Hell with me. I love you guys!